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Touch the Soul of Love Perhaps now, more than at any other time, we find ourselves fantasizing about a big fat increase in the deposits we make into our checking accounts, whether through landing a big client, making a huge sale or an extraordinary deal, or even selling the business. It’s a time in our collective experience where we are critically aware of the risks of small deposits and large withdrawals. We may be far less aware of another area of our lives where it is all too easy to overdraw the account—and we won’t get a warning notice from the bank! I’m referring to what Stephen Covey called our emotional bank accounts, the currency we have on hand with the people we love most. Just like the accounts at our banking institutions, these emotional accounts fatten when we pay attention to the needs of our loved ones and shrink or disappear when we get stressed and forget to treat those special people the way we treat our customers and friends. Research shows that for a relationship to thrive, the ratio of criticism to appreciation needs to be 1:5. I’m pretty sure none of us needs that one part criticism—not even the “constructive” kind—but the point is, since we all do criticize—that we need to balance that out with five times the amount of appreciation. If we don’t, that emotional bank account will zero out in no time and our relationships will start bouncing—and not in a good way! Some of us are innately critical people, but under the kind of economic stress we’ve been going through, even the mildest person can cross the line to criticism. When we’re scared, it’s human nature to attack. Remember the phrase “fight or flight”? It refers to ways that we handle fear. Some of us get critical—that’s the fight response. Others of us shut down, effectively leaving our partners (who are faced with the same stressors right now) to fend for themselves. That’s flight. So much for solidarity! But hey, isn’t “all fair in love and war”? If you’re thinking that your emotional bank account may be dangerously low, or even so low that there’s more war than love going on, it’s time to take action. Make a commitment to focus positive energy on that person you hope will be with you for better or worse, for rich or for poor. Step up the appreciation you dish out. Start doing more to be helpful—especially stuff your partner always has to nag to get done. Spend more time together. Kiss. Hug. Hold hands. Bring home flowers for no special reason. Decide that Valentines Day should be a lifestyle instead of an occasion. We may have limited control of our financial well being right now but every one of us has the power to boost our emotional bank balances into the billions and beyond! Jane Meyers is a counselor in private practice who’s served the Central Oregon community for the past 17 years. She is currently offering a 40-Day Love Challenge, at the Oxford Hotel in Bend, to help couples focus on their relationship, getting new tools and having fun together. BY: JANE MEYERS PUBLISHED IN CASCADE BUSINESS NEWS FEB 3rd 2010 Love_Challenge.html
A program for enhancing intimacy and fun in your Relationship Led by Counselor JANE MEYERS About_Jane_Meyers.htmlLove_Challenge.htmlshapeimage_15_link_0
Presented by: Jane Meyers Counselor / AuthorAbout_Jane_Meyers.html